Tinder Files: Beardy Man



Blocky and structured,
bold strokes: is a painted profile pic
your only hope?

Solid and sturdy –
that’s one hell’uva trim –
hairless, he pivots around his chin.

Oh, such muscles, so strong!
A ferociously fixed stare, biceps that pop –
no doubt that you’re hot.

Attempted wit –
mock reviews and poor banter.
Even his mum thinks he’s a ‘wanker’.

Hungover, hungry and regretting that shot,
I swipe right –
he probably paints, so why the heck not?

Instant DM –
perfectly formed prose –
straight into your gymnastic videos.

‘Don’t cum too hard’, he warns –
elevated spins up on his hands, that’s all…
I muster an eye-roll.

Sure, whatever – let’s go on a date.
Twenty-first century romance?
It’s running a bit late…


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